• La Coronel (5-1) leads them all the way in the Grade 1 Queen Elizabeth II Challenge Cup.Posted 6 days ago
  • Rubilinda (6-5) finds the wire just in time to take the Pebbles Stakes.Posted 6 days ago
  • Engage (1-2) rolls home from last to win the Grade 3 Futurity Stakes.Posted 6 days ago
  • Bolt d'Oro is the 12-1 favorite in the current Las Vegas line for Kentucky Derby 2018.Posted 9 days ago
  • Romantic Vision (6-1) takes the sloppy Spinster (G1) at Keeneland.Posted 12 days ago
  • Unique Bella (1-5) returns with a clear victory in the L. A. Woman (G3) at Santa Anita.Posted 12 days ago
  • Flameaway (5-1) wins a three-horse photo finish in the Dixiana Bourbon (G3) at a wet Keeneland.Posted 12 days ago
  • War Flag (9-1) wins the stretch battle in Belmont's Flower Bowl (G1).Posted 12 days ago
  • Separationofpowers (9-5) impresses in the Frizette at Belmont Park.Posted 12 days ago
  • Roy H (4-5) lives up to favoritism in the Grade 1 Santa Anita Sprint Championship.Posted 13 days ago
Breeders' Cup 2017

What's in a name?


They have to be running out of names by now. All the great names have been taken and that’s why you have horses with Nameslikethis. Think of it, Man of War, Count Fleet, Affirmed, and Citation. Secretariat, John Henry and Spinaway have all been taken and can’t be used again. This is why I’m opening a business called, Names by Johnnie. For a Fee, I will name your horse because horse names are everywhere I look.


I have a keen eye and can give out names like an Indian Chief. (Damn, that name is already taken) Proof it’s a hard job and worthy of a good fee that merits Every Penny. Think of it, your horse is coming down the stretch at the Kentucky Derby, “And HERE comes My Mother Carl?” No, you can’t have a horse called My Mother Carl.  But that’s what you’ll get if you let some stranger name your horse.


The name that would sound the best at Churchill Downs is Simply Said. Now there, that’s the name of a horse that just sounds like a winner. And a person would be proud to have their horse going around the clubhouse turn in front with a name like that. Simply Said can be your horse’s name for a Nominal Charge.


The more I think of it, My Mother Carl is the name of a good harness horse. Look at that, I’m branching out my business as we speak. Just looking around my Tax Exempted office, I see a few good names; ‘apictureofdad, Kranepool, and Moon Landing. But it’s not that easy so don’t think just anyone can do it. It’s a skill I have like auto body repair. I can name a good horse but I can’t repair a Dented Fender.


It’s true, not everyone has The Gift as I like to call it. It’s like being a Soothsayer or some other Middleearthcreature. I walk in the dark as if I were a Lone Wolf with the weight of the world on my shoulders naming pretend horses. Why Not Get Paid for it because I’m naming horses Left and Right.


Of course, any names published here are protected by Copyright Law 5-8-sec59, and it states, “Don’tstealmystuffman.” Yes, this is a pretty serious business and I hate to have My Nephew Attorney, Lawyer Mac involved in a Legal Mess since he’s only in his second year of law school. But I will, even if I have to Buy Him a Diploma.


Yes Sport Fans, I am in the horse naming business. And I got my first customer today. 14 year old Annie Francis of Stamford VT wants me to name her 4H horse that She Will Ride in competitions all across a tri state area. Of course I want to give her a special name Considering the Fact that Annie is my first client. So I gave her the name of a great horse-Beerforbreakfast. She looked a little disappointed at first and her dadwasalittleupset but that’s what The Gods Brought Forth. 


If you are a breeder, an owner, a trainer or someone looking to get into the racing game, let me name your next horse. Something like, Earl’s Buddy. Earl’s Buddy is a great name for a horse. It’s short, gives character, and could pay $8.80 on a Twodollarbet. Why do I see Earl’s Buddy at Del Mar two summers from now? Oh that’s right, I’m a Soothsayer.


~Written by Johnnie Carrier 

Johnnie Carrier is a freelance humor writer who, on advice from Lawyer Mac had to give Annie’s dad back his check, thusly making Beerforbreakfast available again. Johnniec5859@verizon.net


comments powered by Disqus

Older Comments about What's in a name?...

Laz- He did briefly play for Montreal after Boston. He was recently featured in a High Times Magazine article...lol
What I remember about Fozzy is that with his name everyone was amused and didn't think he would amount to much. It turned out he was a pretty serious race horse.
I remember Fozzy Bear. If I remember correctly they changed his name to Bold Executive or something along that line.
Had a popular one here called Fozzy Bear and the Muppet people had NOT be contacted before taking the name. Their production company, stating that they owned that name and it was a child's actor, did not want it associated with adult activities...Jockey CLub allowed the change here, but there was a Fozzie Bear running in Australia
Ir I remember correctly, didn't Oil Can pitch for the Expos as one time? I know he pitched for the Red Sox. He was also quite the character.
Of course every gambler would appreciate the Name"Pete Rose"
Laz- I saw the old Mets Photo and a baseball name came to my head..lol.
EP I remember when he used to pitch.
Still waiting for someone to name a horse, "Dia Duit"
I Think the Name "Oil Can Boyd" is fitting for a race horse...lol.

Top Stories