They have to be running out of names
by now. All the great names have been taken and that’s why you have horses with
Nameslikethis. Think of it, Man of War,
Count Fleet, Affirmed, and Citation. Secretariat, John Henry and Spinaway have
all been taken and can’t be used again. This is why I’m opening a business
called, Names by Johnnie. For a Fee, I will name your horse because horse names
are everywhere I look.
I have a keen eye and can give out
names like an Indian Chief. (Damn, that name is already taken) Proof it’s a
hard job and worthy of a good fee that merits Every Penny. Think of it, your
horse is coming down the stretch at the Kentucky Derby, “And HERE comes My
Mother Carl?” No, you can’t have a horse called My Mother Carl. But that’s what you’ll get if you let some
stranger name your horse.
The name that would sound the best at Churchill Downs is
Simply Said. Now there, that’s the name of a horse that just sounds like a
winner. And a person would be proud to have their horse going around the
clubhouse turn in front with a name like that. Simply Said can be your horse’s
name for a Nominal Charge.
The more I think of it, My Mother
Carl is the name of a good harness horse. Look at that, I’m branching out my
business as we speak. Just looking around my Tax Exempted office, I see a few
good names; ‘apictureofdad, Kranepool, and Moon Landing. But it’s not that easy
so don’t think just anyone can do it. It’s a skill I have like auto body
repair. I can name a good horse but I can’t repair a Dented Fender.
It’s true, not everyone has The Gift
as I like to call it. It’s like being a Soothsayer or some other Middleearthcreature.
I walk in the dark as if I were a Lone Wolf with the weight of the world on my
shoulders naming pretend horses. Why Not Get Paid for it because I’m naming
horses Left and Right.
Of course, any names published here
are protected by Copyright Law 5-8-sec59, and it states,
“Don’tstealmystuffman.” Yes, this is a pretty serious business and I hate to
have My Nephew Attorney, Lawyer Mac involved in a Legal Mess since he’s only in
his second year of law school. But I will, even if I have to Buy Him a Diploma.
Yes Sport Fans, I am in the horse
naming business. And I got my first customer today. 14 year old Annie Francis
of Stamford VT wants me to name her 4H horse that She Will Ride in competitions
all across a tri state area. Of course I want to give her a special name
Considering the Fact that Annie is my first client. So I gave her the name of a
great horse-Beerforbreakfast. She looked a little disappointed at first and her
dadwasalittleupset but that’s what The Gods Brought Forth.
If you are a breeder, an owner, a
trainer or someone looking to get into the racing game, let me name your next
horse. Something like, Earl’s Buddy. Earl’s Buddy is a great name for a horse.
It’s short, gives character, and could pay $8.80 on a Twodollarbet. Why do I
see Earl’s Buddy at Del Mar two summers from now? Oh that’s right, I’m a
~Written by Johnnie Carrier
Carrier is a freelance humor writer who, on advice from Lawyer Mac had to give
Annie’s dad back his check, thusly making Beerforbreakfast available again. Johnniec5859@verizon.net