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  • Azar gets there late to win Saratoga's With Anticipation.Posted 21 hours ago
  • High Noon Rider wins the Better Talk Now as the longest shot on the board.Posted 2 days ago
  • It's all Stellar Wind in Del Mar's Torrey Pines.Posted 3 days ago
  • Lady Shipman both Smart and Fancy in winning another one at the Spa.Posted 3 days ago
  • Keen Ice shocks American Pharoah in the Travers.Posted 4 days ago
  • Flintshire flaunts his class in the Grade 1 Sword Dancer.Posted 4 days ago
  • Nothing but a walk in the park for Private Zone in the Grade 1 Forego.Posted 4 days ago
  • Runhappy runs them off their feet in the Grade 1 King's Bishop.Posted 4 days ago
  • Unbridled Forever storms to victory in the Grade 1 Ballerina.Posted 4 days ago
  • Sheer Drama makes her claim as the East's best mare with a Personal Ensign win.Posted 4 days ago

Called Western Union. No Answer.

I think it's a shame that you can't send a telegram anymore. This is starting out sounding like a piece that Andy Rooney might do, and if he has and I've accidentally stolen something, Miss Kratchnutt, tell the CBS lawyers to take a number.

If nothing else, Western Union, the last American company that was in the telegram business, gave certain wiseacres a chance to be funny. And where else did we get a chance to end every sentence with the word stop? When Alexander Woollcott wrote for The New Yorker, he did a long piece on Cary Grant. There was everything in there but Grant's BVD size, and his age. So the editor, Harold Ross, sent Woollcott a telegram. It read:

HOW OLD CARY GRANT? STOP

Woollcott telegrammed back:

OLD CARY GRANT FINE; HOW YOU? STOP...
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