Ticker
  • Tonito M. is much the best in the Oklahoma Derby! Posted 2 days ago
  • The well-bred Imperia rolls late to score in the Pilgrim! Posted 2 days ago
  • Lady Eli kicks it in to run away with the Miss Grillo! Posted 2 days ago
  • American Pharoah strides out in the FrontRunner! Posted 3 days ago
  • Beholder a bit short, but still best in the Zenyatta! Posted 3 days ago
  • Tonalist impressively wins the Jockey Club Gold Cup! Posted 3 days ago
  • Main Sequence wins a thriller over Twilight Eclipse in the Joe Hirsch Turf Classic! Posted 3 days ago
  • Private Zone battles his way to a 2nd straight Vosburgh! Posted 3 days ago
  • Stephanie's Kitten powers on by in the Flower Bowl! Posted 3 days ago
  • Belle Gallantey demolishes the field in the Beldame! Posted 3 days ago

Called Western Union. No Answer.

I think it's a shame that you can't send a telegram anymore. This is starting out sounding like a piece that Andy Rooney might do, and if he has and I've accidentally stolen something, Miss Kratchnutt, tell the CBS lawyers to take a number.

If nothing else, Western Union, the last American company that was in the telegram business, gave certain wiseacres a chance to be funny. And where else did we get a chance to end every sentence with the word stop? When Alexander Woollcott wrote for The New Yorker, he did a long piece on Cary Grant. There was everything in there but Grant's BVD size, and his age. So the editor, Harold Ross, sent Woollcott a telegram. It read:

HOW OLD CARY GRANT? STOP

Woollcott telegrammed back:

OLD CARY GRANT FINE; HOW YOU? STOP...
Read More

 

comments powered by Disqus

Related Pages

Related Stories

Top Stories