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  • Lockdown (2-1), full sister to Close Hatches, wins the Busanda at Aqueduct.Posted 18 hours ago
  • Back at Oaklawn Park, Terra Promessa (6-5) rolls in the Pippin.Posted 1 day ago
  • Vale Dori (1-5) is too much for her La Canada competition.Posted 1 day ago
  • Tommy Macho (5-2) tons the best in the Hal's Hope at Gulfstream Park.Posted 1 day ago
  • Flatlined (15-1) wins a wild finish in the Ft. Lauderdale Stakes.Posted 1 day ago
  • Sandiva (7-5) powers by to win the Marshua's River Stakes.Posted 1 day ago
  • Sunny Ridge (5-2) powers home to victory in Aqueduct's Jazil Stakes.Posted 1 day ago
  • Yorkiepoo Princess (4-5) romps home an easy winner in the Ruthless.Posted 1 day ago
  • Domain's Rap, 9yo and 8-1, wins the Fifth Season on opening day at Oaklawn Park.Posted 2 days ago
  • Wonder Gal (3-2) wins the Ladies Handicap in a romp.Posted 2 days ago

Called Western Union. No Answer.

I think it's a shame that you can't send a telegram anymore. This is starting out sounding like a piece that Andy Rooney might do, and if he has and I've accidentally stolen something, Miss Kratchnutt, tell the CBS lawyers to take a number.

If nothing else, Western Union, the last American company that was in the telegram business, gave certain wiseacres a chance to be funny. And where else did we get a chance to end every sentence with the word stop? When Alexander Woollcott wrote for The New Yorker, he did a long piece on Cary Grant. There was everything in there but Grant's BVD size, and his age. So the editor, Harold Ross, sent Woollcott a telegram. It read:

HOW OLD CARY GRANT? STOP

Woollcott telegrammed back:

OLD CARY GRANT FINE; HOW YOU? STOP...
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