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  • Texas Chrome (2-1) bravely squeezed through on the rail for an Oklahoma Derby win.Posted 16 hours ago
  • Unbridled Mo (4-1) rides the rail to victory in the Remington Park Oaks.Posted 17 hours ago
  • Accelerate (1-1) rallies to win the Los Alamitos Derby (G2).Posted 1 day ago
  • Connect (10-1) upsets the Pennsylvania Derby.Posted 1 day ago
  • Songbird (1-5) gets win number 11 in the Cotillion (G1) at Parx Racing.Posted 1 day ago
  • Noholdingback Bear (3-1) wins the Gallant Bob (G3) at Parx Racing.Posted 1 day ago
  • 2015 Turf Champion Big Blue Kitten has been retired from racing, via the Chad Brown barn.Posted 5 days ago
  • No catching Sarah Sis (10-1) in the Presque Isle Downs Masters.Posted 6 days ago
  • Victory to Victory  7-1) pulls clear in the Grade 1 Natalma Stakes.Posted 7 days ago
  • Good Samaritan (3-1) rolls to a Breeders' Cup birth with a Summer Stakes win.Posted 7 days ago

Called Western Union. No Answer.

I think it's a shame that you can't send a telegram anymore. This is starting out sounding like a piece that Andy Rooney might do, and if he has and I've accidentally stolen something, Miss Kratchnutt, tell the CBS lawyers to take a number.

If nothing else, Western Union, the last American company that was in the telegram business, gave certain wiseacres a chance to be funny. And where else did we get a chance to end every sentence with the word stop? When Alexander Woollcott wrote for The New Yorker, he did a long piece on Cary Grant. There was everything in there but Grant's BVD size, and his age. So the editor, Harold Ross, sent Woollcott a telegram. It read:

HOW OLD CARY GRANT? STOP

Woollcott telegrammed back:

OLD CARY GRANT FINE; HOW YOU? STOP...
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